Done?

 

Dear Jenn,

Today was your funeral. I am listening to "It's Quiet Uptown" by Kelly Clarkson. Kitty is getting her hair done in ♥️. I have really struggled with your death. I miss writing to you. I miss the flavor of our friendship. We were having such an interesting talk about interests and careers and now I am stuck talking to myself. 

I'm starting school again today. I wasn't sure life would ever bring me this way again after sweeping me away. Then there were all these celosia plants, everywhere. I knew it was a sign from the universe that it was time to start again. My sign. A sigh. I have a whole bureau full of books I want to dress and study. I am starting with poetry. Why a bureau? My mom stencilled it and I love it. My clothes are in baskets (cass clutterbig butterfly here!) but I needed a place for my books, so hello bureau.

I am going to am Episcopal church now. It's wondrous. Not perfect, but perfect for me right now. Walking the laberynth each week has been illuminating and sometimes ordinary.

I am off to the beach this weekend with Byron. I just want to sit there for twelve hours and consider my future. 911? Celosia school self study? Urban forestry? Something else? Isaiah 61 International.

I want to work on the phone for a few years (1-3) then I want to create a position for myself training and supporting the peaple on the floor. Once I say yes, I am more of an "I do forever" person. 

I love my husband. He's so chipper. It also drives me crazy sometimes, but I know that he'll pull me out of the deep.

I miss you.

I hate anorexia. 

I wish you'd found a way out.

I wish I'd seen your photos sooner. 

I wonder if you had seen how your dad suffered and cried today at your funeral, if maybe...

Love,

Bex